what's that? up in the sky?

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

No, it's the sun!


And after a day like yesterday, I was tickled that the sun would come out. On my birthday! (Oh, and thanks Taawd for keeping good record of the storm!)

Waking up at the Wyndham by myself was sad. Working on my birthday was worse. But to see what mother nature left in my backyard still surprised the heck out of me.



I finally got home to Amara. And she was all smiles. We went out for a low key lunch. Then I crashed on the sofa. Without enjoying the sunlight. Damn.

Here's a picture of Amara from today. Just for good measure.

they say 'spring' forward?

Tonight we turn our clocks forward, losing one valuable hour of sleep. But it's supposed to mean spring is near.

Tell that to my achy, exhausted body that simply wants to collapse.

I started work at 6am because of the near blizzard conditions in the area.

Yeah, it's almost midnight and I'm nowhere near home.

I'm stranded downtown. Damn snow is everywhere.

I worked until after 9pm. Fortunately work put us up at the Wyndham...now all I need is a good massage. That 530 wake up call is going to be a biotch.

That's right. I'm going back to work. Again.

My birthday week better end a heck of a lot better than it's starting!

owww...that hurts

I'm having a hard that deciding what hurts me more.

I am now at home after what seems like a very long day at work. In reality, I worked eight and half hours. That's less than my typical work day. Ouch.

And now I'm beat. I ache all over.

Ouch.

But compare that to what Amara said to me yesterday. I asked her to put away her socks that I just folded. They were so fresh out of the dryer they were warm.

Her response?

"Yes your majesty."

Hey little princess! Owww, that hurts.

guilty as charged

A month ago, I stumbled up this.

"Guilt is also a great motivator, she said. Many parents work long hours and may feel less guilty about it if their kids have the best - and most expensive - of everything."

Oh. My. Gawd. I've become one of them.

I'm trying to buy Amara's affection.

I'm not accustomed to long work hours. I was fortunate enough to leave those days behind when I became Mom2Amara.

So when I decided to accept this new job - which is going fabulously by the way - I knew changes were in the works for our family dynamics.

But I never imagined I would be paying my way thru a guilty conscience.

Amara now owns a pair of cute new tights, a new outfit, snow gear (remember, Mom2Amara hates the outdoors so she'll probably never wear the stuff), and has picked up more Happy Meals than I care to admit. All in the last seven days.

But as I am now ending week two at the new job, I am definitely reminded that I love being a working mom. Hours may be long. But I feel accomplished knowing I'm making a difference thru my work and by being a role model to my child.

Now if only I could keep some of that new pay in my wallet instead of over-compensating when it comes to Amara...

blood, sweat, and an 8 p.m. wake-up call

I feel like such a working class citizen.

It's been eons since I've worked more than an 8 hour day. I admit I've been spoiled. But couple my 9+ hour days with my early morning workouts at the gym and come 8 p.m., you can find Mom2Amara dozing off into la-la land on the sofa. I'm exhausted!

Tonight, once again, I found myself asleep in the living room. Amara was ready for her bath. Yet my eyelids just could not stay open. Imagine my four year old mere inches from my face yelling, "Mom! Wake up! I want to take a bath!"

Dad2Amara even tried to bribe her in an attempt to get my lazy rear end off the sofa. But it was an exercise in futility. I napped for three hours.

I woke up just in time to see all of the problems our local board of elections had on election night. In retrospect, it's funny that I was even home to sleep tonight considering I haven't slept in my own bed on an election night for years now. I so do not miss working elections!

But I do miss Amara. My new job has kept me away from my daughter a bit more than I would like. But I keep reminding myself that I'm doing this for her. Her education. Her memories of fun family vacations. Her obsession love of American Girl. That keeps me going throughout my day.

Last but certainly not least, I want to send a HUGE congratulations to LA Daddy. LA Baby arrived this past weekend. So be sure to visit him and say hello. Ellen DeGeneres did.

four toes shy of a pedicure

What a whirlwind tour the last 48 hours have been. Today is day two at the new job. And the ooooh-ahhhhh factor has kinda worn off. I now see the challenges ahead. I have my work cut out for me.

But I'm still really excited to be where I'm at. How excited? So excited that I still want to make a good impression. So when I wore my cute red suede peep toe shoes Monday and realized that I hadn't painted my toenails, I rushed to paint the three nails on each foot that would show. I have yet to finish my pedicure. (And Taawd, if you say anything to anyone about that, I will never forgive you!)

I know it has been helter skelter for Amara too. It's been musical babysitters. Grandma2Amara watched her today. I wish I didn't have to rely on others to take care of my child. And I wish I could be home earlier to feed her dinner or give her a bath. I know these long days won't be a regular occurrence, but the first few days are always rough -- on all of us.

But the true test of this week? How on earth will I get home in time for trick or treating?

PS, wait until you all see Amara's costume this year for Halloween. Check that, wait until you see Dad2Amara's coordinating costume...

a day of firsts

After weeks of drama, engagements, and vomit, there was a long line of firsts today for Mom2Amara and the family.

Amara became a princess...a Barbie princess for the first time. She still loves Cinderella, Jasmine, and Ariel. But she really wanted to be the island princess for her school's Halloween party today.

I walked into my new station for the first time today. I sat in my new newsroom and began a new chapter in my career. And if all goes well, my new office should be set up soon! Me! An office! Sure, I share the office with another manager. But oh. my. gawd. An office!

Because of my first day on the job, this afternoon marked Amara's first day with a new sitter. A lovely lady who is also picking Amara up after class. I had ever intention of calling shortly after school let out. But as we all know, life happened, and before I knew it - I was calling the sitter two hours later. Fortunately, there were no problems. And Amara adores her new caretaker.

Last but certainly not least...I ate food!! The other managers took me out to eat for lunch. I was cautious, eating mashed potatoes and some soup. But come dinnertime, I was ravished. And I hit the Mickey D drive thru with Amara. Bad? Yes. But it tasted so good! I needed some Tums afterwards but there were no stomach gymnastics tonight! I think I may be cured!

sleeping with the enemy

I heart food. I eat, sleep, and breathe food.

But right now, food is still the enemy. Proudly, I have graduated from wheat toast to plain bagels. And just today when I felt adventurous and bravely tried noodles, I spiraled back to breads.

I haven't had a true, delicious meal since last Sunday. I sadly drooled over a Travel Channel commercial showcasing Vietnamese cuisine on a lazy susan, until I realized the ad was for Bizarre Foods like snakes and snails. And even then, I thought, how bad could a little scorpion be?

While I should be readying myself for my new job, I am consumed by my desire to eat. Rather than perfecting my "first impression" as I walk into my new station, I am trying to figure out which handbag would best hide two bagels of 320 calorie goodness.

I have no doubt I'll have sweet dreams tonight of chocolate pecan pie and fettuccine alfredo.

But sleeping with the enemy has some perks. I did try on some pants that once were snug and now fit. But I find myself in a quandary. My catch 22? I went to the gym and lasted only 45 minutes. No food means no energy. No energy means an abbreviated workout that does nothing for my J-Lo booty.

Fortunately, Amara and Dad2Amara are healthy. They're still downing Kraft Mac n Cheese and Keebler fudge stripe cookies.

Hmmmm... Cookies...

working it

I'm so giddy. I'm like a mom in a Godiva shop on her way to the spa on the first day of school.

I received a formal job offer. And I accepted. I'll be working for a competitor just down the street from where I currently work.

Typing on my laptop is all that can stop me from doing a happy dance.

Who knew a job could make me sing? I feel like a supermodel working 9 to 5.

But even with my celebration filled weekend, there is some sadness. I wouldn't exactly call my resignation picture perfect. You know what they say: that which does not kill us, makes us stronger. My leaving is bittersweet. But what a lot of people don't realize is that my decision leaves my heart heavy.

After devoting years trying to convince Dad2Amara to have another child, I now find myself embarking on a new chapter in my career - one that I know will keep me too busy to take that step towards motherhood again. I apparently am not alone. More and more couples are having fewer children because of pressures at work.

But I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm going to further my career. I will have a second child, even if it means waiting another year or two. I'm going to sashay down the runway walk with my head up high. And hopefully I'll make a few dollars while I'm at it.

I should be pink slipped

I should expect a pink slip soon. I won't be surprised. I could be fired for what I pulled this morning.

Taking two days off in a row, given my current situation, probably does not look too favorable.

But I had to do what I had to do. Amara's sick. Again. Fever's back. So is the phlegmy vomit.

Certain protocol must be followed. I chose not to wake my boss at 3:45 in the morning and called an already awake manager. Big no-no. I have yet to talk to my boss. Taking two days off for a child's sickness is all but acceptable. I could have lied and said I was now the one bedridden. But regardless of consequence, I am doing right by my daughter.

PBN asks: how far would you go for your kids?

Would I lie for Amara's safety? Would I break the law to insure her a better life? Would I bribe, cheat, and steal? Yes. Unequivocally. And I am certain there are mothers all over the globe who have.

My decision today may not register on the Richter scale to some. But the loss of one salary in our home would be earth shattering. And professionally, I'd like to still have good standing in the business.

But I have no regrets.

How far would you go for your kids?

the post where mom is happy her kid's sick

Hi, I've aged. How are you?

Life the last two weeks has been unkind. I've neglected my family, my home, and my blog. Yesterday, it came to a screeching halt.

"Mom! A friend at school gave me a little bug. Now everything hurts."

A nasty virus has invaded Amara's system. Her coughs sound like hyena screams. Her nose is so stuffed, it's grown. I know I'm a hot mom (snicker) but she's a hot-with-fever Bean. Oddly enough, I'm happy.

Amara duty has allowed me to exhale. No life altering decisions hovered above. (More on this to come soon - I hope.) My hardwood floors are spotless. The laundry piles are shrinking. And I still have time to enjoy Dad2Amara's company when he arrives home.

So I am happy Amara's sick. Her fever broke and can only play in spurts. But consider this: If Amara was 100% healthy, I would not have been home to witness my pumpkin evolving into a ballerina.

letting my preschooler call the shots

I feel like I'm in a funk.

I have not been able to blog as openly and honestly as I would like. For a blabber mouth like me, it's difficult not to be chatty. Nothing is morbidly wrong. I just can't write about it. Too personal. Too mundane. Too iffy.

But things took a turn today. And I now feel comfortable enough to share a part of it all.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a job courting me. Nothing ever came of it. The institution is dragging their feet in filling the position.

Unfulfilled and unhappy, I surprisingly wasn't looking for a new job. I was complacent. I didn't want to rock the boat.

But ten days ago, another television station called. They did their homework. They knew I was content. They knew motherhood was a strong calling. They asked me to dinner and to simply listen.

Listen I did.

And I listened again over breakfast.

The offer came in this morning. It's hard to ignore.

Everything says I should take the position. The title. The salary. The challenge. But I have doubts.

My current boss didn't help the skepticism.

Neither did Amara.

"Don't worry, Mommy," Amara said.

Maybe I trust my four year old daughter too much. Maybe I put too much faith into her decisions. But Amara does not want me to change jobs.

The hours would be long at the new place. Amara has said that given a choice, she would rather me pick her up from school than have extra money for McDonald's and trips to the Nick Hotel. Amara says she likes my current job. She enjoys visiting my coworkers.

Tell me again why I let Amara call the shots?

the irony of Labor Day

Labor Day.

It's 8:45 in the morning. I know I am not the only person working, right?

I mean, there has to be another woman working, away from her family and friends this holiday.

Or maybe there's a mom that is not not in bed, sipping her coffee and indulging in a good read before her sleeping house awakes.

Or in the truest sense of labor, I'm sure there's a mom or two out there (Godmother2Amara, have you popped yet?!) laboring in maternity rooms around the country.

Fortunately, I'll be sneaking out in a bit since no one's around to call me out on my early exit. But the greatest irony? I'm going home to do housework. Grrr.

today's good: My allergies seem to be subsiding. They moved from a sinus-y, clogged up mess to just a horrendous cough that resonates throughout my body. I guess that's good.

today's bad: Did I mention that I'm working while everyone and their mother has the day off?

just for dreamers?

It's taken me a few days to summon up the courage to write this post. I'm not scared of your reactions. I fear my own.

Apparently a lot of soul searching takes place when you're on a true vacation, filled with rest and relaxation.

It seems one by one, several occurrences in the last week have made me truly contemplate what I really want to do with my life professionally.

First, I was invited to apply and interview for a position newly created at an institution of higher learning. The position has yet to be posted. And they. Called. Me.

Scary. No way. I have a good job. I'm Employee of the Month for heaven's sake.

Yet for a fleeting moment, I remembered a time during college. I thought I didn't want to enter television news. I considered student affairs as a way to make my livelihood. I had been paid by university departments to oversee different programs. That challenged me to develop many skills. I was a leader. I advised and supervised. And I enjoyed the various tiers of these positions. And I thrived on the interaction with the diverse groups of students. But I saw it best to continue on the journey I was already well in to.

Unbeknownst to Nataly at Work It, Mom!, she then pointed me in the direction of this article that got my wheels turning. She's like my Perez. I read her every post as she works out of a coffee shop on her website. Sure the article says:

"The reason so many young people are starting companies is not because jobs are hard to find; it's because dream jobs are hard to find."

But I could find one, right? Nataly is founder of a terrific, innovative website. Making a living with good java and the Internet? I could find a profession that incorporated all of my loves too, right?

I was starting to freak out at the deep, contemplative mood I was entering. So I resolved to rid myself of the anxiety with my September issue of O Magazine. Damn that Oprah. I couldn't get past page 49. That's where she encouraged her readers to say:

"The fact that I'm good at something or making a lot of money at something doesn't mean I have to do it forever."

Ughhhhh! What is going on here?

No way! I read O Magazine to unwind. I would not get worked up over some silly quote that Oprah's people probably had edited twenty times to sound just right. I continued flipping through the magazine. But that's when I saw one last quote that struck a chord. Mary South writes:

"There are many good reasons not to toss your life up in the air and see how it lands. Just don't let fear be one of them."

Fear.

I've worked hard to get to where I am. I'm not unhappy. But am I happy? Dad2Amara has two successful careers - at the firm he works for and as a college professor. We live comfortably. Amara will be in kindergarten next fall so my time with her during the day will be limited. The list could go on and on. So what's holding me back?

Do dream jobs really exist? Could another office - or lack thereof - be calling?

today's good: Aside from the fact that I got up while the crickets were out in force so I got tons done to get the yellow house cleaned up, today's good is actually a good find. CindyW at Organic Picks talked about the The Broken Plate Company. OMG. YOU. MUST. LOOK. I heart this artist's work.

today's bad: Dad2Amara and I are attending a wedding reception this evening. And while we are happy for the newlyweds, our flight is mighty early tomorrow. Come to your own conclusions...