how to wake before your alarm

1. Have your child go bump in the night an hour shy of your alarm.


2. Have child proceed to turn on television/CD player/obnoxious toy.


3. Jump out of bed, thinking a mass murderer has entered your home, surely to slash the throats of you, your spouse, and your child.


4. Sit quietly in bedroom. Convince yourself it's your overactive, lack-of-rest mind playing tricks on you. Although admit you've remained in your room because you do not want to be the first to die at the hands of the burglar.


5. After 20 minutes, wake your spouse. Make him believe there is an intruder.


6. Find said intruder -- your four year old daughter, listening to Spongebob after having wet the bed.


7. Give child a bath. Then tuck her in the spare bedroom.


8. Toss linens in the wash.


9. Lay awake in bed for 15 minutes before acknowledging the fact that you will never go back to bed.


10. Get out of bed at 3:25 a.m., five minutes before your alarm goes off.

See? Easy enough.

Now, where's my coffee.